Why Good is BAD
By The Observer 11/19/08
I will try to report this vital account to you using the most straightforward and understandable words possible. This information is crucial to the furthering of unhindered education and obviously no one else is doing anything about it for I have seen many a young student fall helplessly under the mind controlling influence of a good book.
Now the stereo typical good book is praised and held upon a pedestal. Everyone loves a good book. Parents love to see their children read instead of play in front of the TV or computer thus good books are invaluable to them. Many people’s jobs revolve around the marketing, investing in, and reviewing of good books. And for many, just sitting back with a good book is an excellent diversion from the hustle bustle of modern life. However when a good book comes out, people everywhere rave about it and some create websites dedicated to it and read it until it’s memorized and write books about the book! This, my friends is what lies beneath the masking title of “good” book…… Obsession.
Now that is obsession at its height. I want to address the early obsession that I see in so many of my students. I’ve named it; maximuspatholibra disorder. The disease is easily caught and spreads quickly from victim to victim. Suppose a friend of yours comes up, places a book in your hands and says “You just have to read this! It’s incredible!” There, you are now contaminated. Of course there’s still hope for recovery if you don’t open the cover but nobody seems to be able to resist. Once the cover is lifted, you’re done for.
Once under the influence of a good book, there is no escaping it. Your mind becomes consumed and you are constantly thinking about when you can possibly get away to read it. It’s all you can think about and it tears your life apart. Your relationships suffer because you’d rather read then spend time with friends, your body suffers because you’d rather read then eat or sleep, your grades suffer because you’d rather read then study for that upcoming test. And then you realize how horrible you’ve been and feel guilty about your obsession. But the book won’t let you go! so you start reading in secret. In the closest or behind a big fat text book. You read late into the night and when no one else is home. The book becomes even more addicting because you want it so much more now that you can not read it freely. And you feel torn because part of you wants the story to go on and never stop while the other wants the book to just end already so you can go back to living a normal life! But even when you’ve finally finished it and you get that wonderful tingly-happy-satisfied feeling, you STILL can’t get away from it because now your mind has to go back over all your favorite parts and you scrawl pictures of the characters in your notebook and you discuss and talk and argue over the plot with your friends. It just never ends! And don’t even get me STARTED on series! I detest series with a strong inner passion because they cause the whole process to start All. Over. Again! And again and again and again until you’ve finished the series! But even then there’s the books written about the book that you just have to read as well and the websites that waste hours of your time while you research things that really don’t matter! Do you understand what I’m saying? GOOD BOOKS ARE DANGEROUS!
And so in order to keep yourself uncontaminated I urge you to resist temptation. Spread the word, alert your friends. And just like smoking and drugs, remember, “Not even once.” One time is all it takes to become a good book addict. Join me in my crusade for an addicting-literature-free world!
